A Public Apology to You

image… yes,  you!!

To anyone who has felt awed, inspired, ashamed, envious, pursued… any strong emotions while having followed me, and my health/business journey over this past year!

I apologize.

But, for what?

Well, from the start…

At this time last year, I had decided to embark on a new adventure.

I had successfully followed a fitness and nutrition program, with very effective results!  I was receiving a lot of compliments and positive affirmations.

So when asked, I (cautiously) decided to take the next step into coaching others to achieve the same results, with the same program.

I had always toyed with the idea of becoming a health coach, and discovering a career where I could create my own hours, for the benefit of our family. What’s not enticing about that?

I learned the business, as I went. It was exciting. And scary.

If you know me well, then you know that I am an incredibly private person.

But I decided to take a leap of faith and “open up” my life to my friends on social media, per business recommendations.

Behind the scenes, I was reaching out to old friends, current friends, new friends, and expanding my social media friends, from 100… to almost 600!

Where I had previously been frustrated with my weight and ailments, and I was now feeling pretty amazing (and confident in the success and result of this program)…. why wouldn’t I want to share this with others, and offer to help them, if they were feeling that same way that I WAS?

I never once thought that the amazing feeling would end.

But it did.

When I invest my energy into something, I invest fully.

And I got overwhelmed with all of the plates that I was spinning.

I was utilizing my “extra time” that I had put aside for myself, and I was putting it into the business of helping others.

I was starting to question if this was the way that I wanted to be in the business of helping others.

I felt badly that I wasn’t being a good enough role model, and following the programs perfectly.

I was feeling frustrated that I couldn’t help everyone. The nurse in me wanted to find ways to help, in any way that I could. And in doing so, I was spending way too many hours away from my daytime job, my family, my friends, and myself… physically, and mentally!!

The warning signs were clear when I started to feel very irritated. I was losing my passion for this venture.

I was exhausted. I couldn’t keep up with the pace of managing a day time job, a side business, and my responsibilities to my family.

I was at a crossroads with my career path, and I had to make a choice.

I could quit my day job as a nurse, and invest myself fully in this social media-run health & fitness business…

….Or quit the online business, and continue with the career that I love.

I chose my day job. It was actually an easy decision to make, but dealing with the consequences has not been so simple.

Like I mentioned before, I am a very private person.

Sure, I have failed at things before. But it has never been this public, for me.

It is raw and vulnerable.

And so personal. To actually parade pictures of myself, and my physically changing body, is not an easy thing for me to do!

Honestly, I have never had such a drastic weight loss, and weight gain (back), in such a short turn around time; This is an obvious visual clue of me “losing control” and “failing”. And I am very embarrassed, and humbled, to think that I was above that! I was naïve to think that this could not happen to me.

So I want to apologize. To you. To all of you.

If I had misled you to think that “this program” is the “answer” to all of your weight struggles… I am sincerely sorry!

When I was “in it”, I honestly did believe that it was the “answer” for me, but I fully understand that it is not for everyone (including me, now)…. Even though I did learn a great deal about health, nutrition, and myself, in the process!

Although following a specific diet & fitness program can be successful for many people, for a sustained period of time, I was not one of them. And so, if you did follow me, and I led you to failure, I am sorry for being a terrible leader!

I never set out doing this with the intention to cheat people. And I hope that you never felt that way! But if you did, I am so sorry!

And most of all, I am sorry for exposing myself so much with all of this, that I have undoubtedly annoyed the crap out of you!

Even though my intention was always to help people to FEEL better, I used pictures to SHOW weight loss as a reason for feeling better (because let’s face it, those images are successful marketing strategies!). And for this, I am sorry.

…From “showing off”, to “disappearing”, to “repenting”, I feel that I owe it to all of you to know that the struggle is real! But I doubt that you really want to hear all of my “therapy sessions”.

But I will say this…

IF you have found that by me sharing my journey…This REAL journey… provides you with some comfort and solace in the fact that you are not alone in your own struggles with diet & exercise & self-discovery… Then I do not apologize for that!

I DO NOT REGRET the most amazing part of all of this… reconnecting & connecting with so many people!!

Seriously, if I had not been pulled out from inside my cocoon and pushed to step outside of my comfort zone… I never would have! And I would not have been able to open my eyes to all of the wonderful & kind souls around me!! There is much more kindness & support, than my ever-pessimistic self could have imagined!

So I want to THANK YOU for showing me that!

Pounds will come and go. Our physical shape will change.

But in the EXPERIENCE is where we can learn a lot about ourselves, and our “truths”;

Related image

Lessons are learned. And the best ones, are the hard ones.

Be humble. Pride is not worth the fall.

This is one of many life lessons for me.

and since it unraveled so publically, I felt the strong need to apologize publically.

Moving forward, my goals are to focus less on weight and diet as validations of self worth and feeling good.

… As much as I dislike thinking that these things are not related, I had allowed them to be.

And that is my truth.

I want to be done with that mentality. Forever.

I owe that to myself. To my family. To my friends.

Thank you for helping me, by being a huge part of this experience! ❤️

So without further adieu, I will grace you with one last comparison photo..

One more chance to ridiculously expose myself…

The left pic of me last year, in the throes of the program.

And the right pic, today, trying to establish a healthy routine again.

Same activity. Taking the kids to swim class. One year apart.

This is what a 20 pound weight gain looks like.

… And a lot more life experience and life lessons learned!! 😊

DO NOT let your weight rule your days, remember the more important things in life…

…like getting into the pool, and not worrying about what your body looks like while you are getting into the pool!! 

 

 

 

In sharing this lengthy apology with you, you have allowed me the closure to end this dieting chapter, and to move onto the next chapter in my life… To explore my healthy balance!

thank you so much for listening!

And don’t ever be afraid to speak up, and take care of yourself, in a way that works for YOUR best health & wellness!

(and don’t let anyone try to tell you differently!!) 😍

-Jen

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4 thoughts on “A Public Apology to You

  1. You are amazing, fierce and strong! I just love you and you look absolutely beautiful as you are RIGHT NOW. You are being so real about sharing this very common experience of an everyday woman 😉

    Like

  2. I’ve been in exactly the same place and could’ve penned exactly the same apology. It comes back on so fast if you don’t continue with the lifestyle/diet. I will say though that you are fantastic! You look amazing then and amazing now. Your day job is so important and I’m so thankful for people like you that do it. I’m enjoying your blog! Have a great summer!

    Like

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